Mawwiage is What Bwings Us to This Blog Today

 In last week’s blog, we discussed the issues of dating versus “hanging out” and the implications that come with that.

Today, we are going to take it one step further and talk about the next steps: engagement and marriage!!

From what I’ve observed from friends and family members getting engaged and married, this time seems to be the most wonderful and delightful, but also the most stressful thing that a couple would have gone through up to this point. It is a time where you and your significant other decide to commit wholly to each other and become a partnership.

Your engagement comes with a lot of decisions. And by a lot, I mean, A LOT of decisions. You suddenly have to decide where you are going to live, how you will spend money together, who is invited to the wedding, when the wedding is, and so much more. (Not stress inducing at all, right?) It is so important during this time, however, to make sure that both members of the couple are involved in all of the planning. I don’t know about what you all have seen, but from my perspective, it tends to be the woman and generally her mom who plans out most of the details. (If I am wrong in this, please someone let me know!) When we do this, we are leaving out one of the most important people for the wedding: the husband!! In all honesty though, the decisions for the wedding and reception don’t really matter, do they. But the way that we make those decisions does matter! When a couple makes those decisions together, they grow closer together while being able to learn how to make hard decisions together. (Pretty good practice for their marriage don’t you think?)

If you think about it a little harder, you realize that the wedding is not for the community. Your wedding is for you and your husband or wife. It is for the two of you, not for the pleasure of someone living down the street from your childhood home. Your wedding is a part of you making sacred promises to the person who you love and to God that you will protect them, comfort them, and be by their side through thick and thin. It is your opportunity to be set apart from the world and to be married for time and all eternity!! How cool is that?!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good reception. That is where the community comes in. This is the point that all of your childhood neighbors and friends can come and help support and strengthen your new marriage!! Your reception doesn’t even have to be all that big either, because it is the people you are with that really matter. (Although good decorations definitely help with good pictures!) The reception is your time to party and to enjoy your wedding day, and also to enjoy the beautiful decisions you and your partner made together. Doesn’t that paint such a beautiful picture?

Well, you are married now! What happens next?? Now isn’t that the big question? "Next comes Janie with a baby carriage!!" Yes, generally speaking, babies do come next into a marriage. And that tends to shake things up for a couple. This couple has to invite a child into their lives and into their home, and they now have someone else they need to teach and protect. That is a hard transition for anyone! Because of this and several other reasons, many couples have stated that their marital satisfaction went down with their first child. When a child is born, particularly the first child to a new couple, the couple finds that they have far less time for themselves and for each other than they had before. Suddenly the wife’s workload has increased by 64% and the husband’s by 37%, and there is just not enough time for each other. Then the couple has more children and (generally) the satisfaction rate in their marriage continues to drop.

So, how do we stop this trend? How can we have more satisfaction in our marriages? It all comes down to what you do together. If the couple can keep making decisions together and involves each other in all parts of taking care of both themselves and the new baby, their marriage won’t be brushed under the rug. If a wife can involve her husband in all pre-natal visits or new baby checks or even the little kicks and squirms that the baby does, then the father will feel more involved and trusted with the responsibilities of a new child. If the father will pay attention to his spouse’s needs (or vice versa!), the wife will feel that love that he has for her and the two will have far more satisfaction with each other.

We have talked about a lot of information in this blog, and there is SO MUCH MORE AHEAD!! So, as you contemplate your family this week, what will you do differently?? Will you work on making more decisions together? Will you prioritize your marriage above the flowers? Will you spend more quality time with your spouse? Let me know your ideas in the comments!!
And enjoy contemplating this week!!

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